Tails of the Pet Avengers

When Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers was first released, I praised it for it’s ability to be a truly All Ages comic. Very few comics can be enjoyed by weird twenty-five year olds like me as well as my 9 year old little sister, the exceptions really being Bone and maybe that's it. I spent a lot of time here in Hoth, Maryland snowed in with my little sister enjoying shows like Nickelodeon’s action and continuity heavy Avatar: The Last Airbender and weird as hell Spongebob Squarepants and it became clear to me, how similarly children digest the stuff they read and watch.

It’s important for kids and their parents to be able to enjoy the same things, to enjoy things together. Kids know when they are being spoken down to--it’s why when I was young I refused to order off the kids menu, even at 6 I wasn’t going to degrade myself by ordering a “Buckaroo Burger”. You want to be treated grown up and respected. My experience back in my mom's house, back as kinda sorta "the parent", would do a lot of comics writers, artists, and business types a lot of good.

Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers did a great job of being something I could share with my younger sibling, not only because it was ageless, but it was genderless and therefore could actually be for everyone. Things being so un-gender neutral in the world of children’s entertainment lead to her saying “This is a boy show” when talking about Star Wars. She constantly reminds me of this while watching shows like the above mentioned Avatar as well, even with one of the main characters being a strong female lead. Action and bad guys="Boy show". Buying her Pet Avengers and talking to her about the characters, seeing her draw them and be interested in where they came from was awesome, I’m glad I could share something like that with her.

What made Pet Avengers so special was that it was like this strange comic you'd find only the third issue of in a quarter bin: Animals with super powers collecting the most powerful items in the universe to keep their master's safe. Relationships and characters were defined on a single page, the usual over complication of origins is ignored to make room for the story. Take Blackbolt, the Inhuman's dog Lockjaw can't speak. Naturally, Thor Frog--the only non-sidekick of the bunch-- communicates for him. They search out each of the four infinity gems, fighting Devil Dinosaur, Giganto and even Thanos, and even meet the president, all in four issues. It's simple, fun and perfect. You didn't need to know or understand anything to enjoy it.

Then, Tails of the Pet Avengers came out, and I will not be buying it for my sister. What the first volume of stories achieved in all ages comics, the second fails miserably. Instead of a single story with the group of animals fighting together, each Pet Avenger has been given it’s own “tail”. Not all the stories are bad, but one in particular, one that I’ll assume was geared towards little girls who read comics, upset me knowing that I wouldn’t feel right giving it to my younger sister.

Drawn by Chris Eliopoulos and written by Buddy Scalera, Prom Queen is the Lockheed story, about not a little girl, but a senior in high school who is obsessed with dragons. Her obsession has caused her to be an outcast amongst her peers, and has earned her the name “Dragon Girl”. Eventually Lockheed flies in and oh boy, she learns that Dragons are real! With Lockheed now at her side, she’s proud to be called Dragon Girl, moral of the story is that it’s okay to be different kids!!

Unfortunately the strength a real "Dragon Girl" would need couldn't be given by a dragon because they aren't real. The very real problems--her only friend in school is a teacher, being an outsider, etc.--aren't solved at the end of the story, she just has a dragon now. The ridicule she has been receiving presumably her whole high school career will continue, kids just aren't nice.

The artist, who's well-known for this work on Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius, draws overweight Dragon Girl surrounded by thin "pretty" girls who are decorating the prom she doesn't have a date for, suggesting further insecurities on Dragon Girl's part and more underlying problems with the story itself. This girl is given no redeeming factors, nothing to make you care about her, and you are left not understanding why you were supposed to care in the first place.

It's important to teach kids that it in fact is okay to be different, it's also important, like I said, to respect them. The depth given in a story like Bone or even Disney and Tokyopop's Kilala Princess is important to them. For a $4 comic the lack of actual content in a comic like this is appalling, and I know what you're thinking "Sammy, dude, it's a kid's comic, give it a break", but kids don't want that, they accept it. Children don't have the options and resources adults have and so, all too often, they have to "settle" for what entertains them. They'll read bad comics and see Beverly Hills Chihuahua because it's all they got, but when something smart and complex comes along they flock to it. This is whyHarry Potter is so big. Surprise, surprise, adults love Potter too. Kids are starving for stories with depth, something that they can return to in a week and still enjoy.

A disposable, forgettable story like Prom Queen doesn't stick with kids, they don't feel the intended impact of the message, and will just move on. Nerdz can talk shit all they want about novel series like Twilight, but the positions those characters are placed in are what kids want, things that give them a sense of adulthood or escapism and reality.

Pet Avengers could, and should be stories that while tackling "issues" kids care about can also be fun and weird. It's why Goonies and Labyrinth are popular--they are stories about loners and outcasts that don't take shortcuts, that don't write in too much shorthand, that let the stories play out. Tails of the Pet Avengers could have been a continuation of the first series, something I could be proud to give to my sister, but is instead something I won't buy her. There are enough pieces of mindless entertainment for her to enjoy already.

Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers

Out of continuity and out of step, Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers is half Marvel Comics nerd jerk-off and half one of the best kid’s comics ever. More like a premise created by five awesome 8 year olds with their favorite animal toys or a story in Marvel’s upcoming Strange Tales MAX series than a real comic, Reed Richards visits Black Bolt to discuss collecting all of the Infinity Gems, while a drooling Lockjaw overhears and decides to gather the best of the best from the animal kingdom (and one regular, cross dressing dog), entrusting each gem to a different heroic beast.
Until I walked into my local comic shop and saw Lockjaw on the “Kid’s” side of the store, I didn’t even think of the comic was made for children. The Marvel Adventures header of most “all age” comics published by the comics giant is absent here, giving it a chance to actually be an all-ages book. Without the spandex clad muscle dudes and super-titties busting out of oh-so-small costumes, Lockjaw also has the opportunity to truly be for everyone of all ages, breaking down the gender biases inherent in stuff for kids too.

The teleporting dog, kinetic cat, alien dragon, proud falcon, confused puppy and lightning god powered frog are unlikely teammates, the group is diverse not only in species but in Marvel history. Featuring animal/non-human villains, the bad guys are also from the far reaches of the MU, including Giganto (the underwater one, not Mole Man’s pet), and recent fan favorite Devil Dinosaur, complete with classic Kirby finger count variations.
I’m a pretty easy sell on whacky Marvel shit, “cameo” comics and things like Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.-- silliness mixed with characters only for us in the know. While Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers is one of those books in it’s own way, it’s also just a fun comic that if were sitting stapled together at your local indie “graphic novel” store, fresh from Kinko’s, you’d buy it. Animals with super powers fighting monsters, isn’t this what comics are all about?

Children Don't Care About Race

I read this article over at Black Voices, and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Most white folk would start this off by writing "I'm not racist but....", instantly tipping you off to the bullshit that will follow. It was strange to me reading this article, having seen screen shots of the film while looking at my little sister's Disney Princess Magazine with her, because I just saw another Disney movie, not even realizing that she was the first Black Disney Princess.

This isn't true about all children, some kids' parents raise hatred in their children in an endless cycle, but most children in '09 don't recognize race as something that matters. They understand that skin comes in different colors, but the same way hair and eyes do, they take it as just something else that makes everyone different. The only people who will be and are upset about Princess Tiana are adults, of all races, and the movie isn't made for them.

There have been non-white female leads in Disney animated movies before, Pocahontas, Mulan and the only princess amongst the few minority leads, Jasmine. In Aladdin, the racist stereotypes are plentiful and were accepted, the main characters held American accents while the supporting cast were full of "arabian sounding" short fat men in turbans, elephants and belly dancers. This, of course, is ignored because it doesn't take place in America, so it isn't offensive to us. We accept them as just characters, and the dummies out there just think that that's how them A-rabs talk.

As if racist White people weren't upset enough over an African-American not only in the White House, but in Cinderella's Castle, the prince in this movie isn't exactly Black, having light skin, brown wavy hair and the voice of a Brazillian actor.

The royal interracial couple is causing an uproar not for being two different skin tones, but because Prince Naveen isn't Black. The general feeling is that having two Black characters would be too much, so they settled on the princess, but it's also entirely possible that it's just a statement on interracial relationships, or a weird safe maneuver to "kill two birds with one stone". It's unfortunate that a couple with two different skin tones is a negative thing, some triumphs are ignored for other's selfish motives.

Taking place in New Orleans, Tiana is not only the first Black princess, she's also the first American. Certain Southern stereotypes come into play, such as the extremely racist firefly in the above trailer, Disney basically ignoring the retaliation of using such an offensive "dialect" for comedy. Rarely do I read into things this much, and although there are White "bayou" dudes out there, this is extremely offensive, the Uncle Tom reference will be lost on children, but if the movie is popular enough there will be toys of this guy, and little kids repeating "massa".

The main issue with the characters race isn't their race, it's adults forcing their fucked up, over-intellectualization of their childhood into the children of today, like people who want to have these smart-guy conversations about Bert and Ernie being gay, or even the actually true Disney movie "disgruntled employee" implanted boners and sexy words. Kids don't notice these things, it's in there for the parents to have a quick laugh. The alternative to this has become Shrek, which has nothing actually redeeming about it, you completely lose what makes a kid movie great, which is the innocence. As long as kids are watching something they enjoy and no one is hurt, than who cares?

WHITE BOX HERO: Junior Carrot Patrol by Rick Geary

Everybody here at "Are You A Serious Comic Book Reader?" is the type of comics nerd to spend two hours flipping through a quarter box of comics with the hope that there will be at least something sorta cool in there. Every once in a while, the nerdity pays off and you end up with something greater than you could've ever expected...a white box hero!

I first looked at this issue as a gamble for under a dollar. I decided to go for it half as a joke and half because it was so cheap. I picked it up one day months later when I was unbelievably bored. I had no idea who Rick Geary was but by page two, I was hooked. After I was done, it gave me that strange feeling when you know you’ve just read something that sums up a lot of shit for you. Geary’s writing and art encapsulate a model for a day to day existence and relationships into this tightly packed adventure comic.

You’re introduced to Chuck, Ethel, and Dusty, the three members of the Junior Carrot Patrol, from the very start. Geary gives a brief background on each. Even though each member has a predefined role--Dusty is a hippie, Ethel is a scientist, and Chuck is a hard nosed cynic--the characters never feel flat or clichéd. They tread the line between adulthood and childhood similar to Peanuts, Home Movies, or even South Park. They think like adults, discussing dreams and the meaning of it all, but don't have any adult responsibilities. This gives them freedom, but it’s not a freedom they squander. They've banded together in a pact to “uphold the cause of irrationality and nonsense in this uptight world” and whether they succeed or not, they always aim for this goal and work hard towards it.

Their pact is particularly meaningful because there is a sadness to them, especially when they talk about their parents. Dusty’s parents are “caught in the upwardly mobile thing” and pretty much leave him alone. This allows him to roam free but implies that his parents don’t really care about him. Geary shows them smiling but without any real eyes. There’s just two straight lines and it looks similar to the bullies, the “Chain Gang”, that show up later.
Chuck’s parental situation is much worse. Geary writes, “His parents are shadowy figures that compel him to watch television for hours on end.” This panel is truly creepy and its shadows reinforce its description. We can’t tell what Chuck’s parents even look like! He's shown completely as a shadow and they loom behind him. No other character or panel is treated like this and putting it early in the story sets a strange tone that's carried throughout. Dusty the narrator comments later that this causes Chuck to have a hard cynical look at life, but he also focuses on the positive that Chuck has become a trivia expert. The focus on parents is an extreme undercurrent in the story, and only takes up two panels.
The rest of the issue is focused on their exploits as they jump into photographs and teach pets to fly. It’s the little touches of these exploits that make them meaningful. Each one has some sort of problem that goes along with it. Some of the animals aren’t so good at flying shown as a hound dog clinging to a tree. The photograph of Winston Churchill they jump into isn’t exactly pleased to see them.

It goes back to the underlying sadness of their parents and extends it to the world they inhabit. The emphasis is on underlying because whatever goes wrong or whatever screwed up dream one of them has they plow right through it and on to the next adventure. It’s not ignoring their problems but just dealing with them and moving on. It’s their childhood confidence that propels them but it's their focus on living and thinking that makes then admirable.

X-Men Cartoon Over Homework Any Day

Previously, the X-Men animated series episodes were released only in single disc packages with one or two episodes stuck together just to get hype for the next Marvel movie. Fortunately, Marvel has finally decided to release the X-Men cartoon series, originally airing afternoons on Fox, in two DVD volumes, on April 28th.

It's taken far too long for this to come out, I can still remember walking home from school and watching this show, and becoming completely obsessed with the X-Men. For a while, the Fox afternoon was just too good; this series and Spider-Man both played a huge part in my pre-teen imagination.

Being in elementary and middle school, this cartoon was a little more mature than the others and put my mind at rest, bringing me back into comics and giving me an artistic outlet, creating my own mutants and drawing the characters I related to.

The X-Men is probably the most continuity-heavy comic in the history of comics, every character, location and action seems to be important to something that will happen in the future, and because of that you become seriously involved. You care more about the characters you like and put yourself in their shoes. I loved some characters so much, and hated others, here's where I was at as a child, and now:

CYCLOPS

THEN: Cyclops is everything not cool about a super hero. He's like Superman without the humanity, just a fucking cop who harasses you for skating in an empty parking lot. My neighbor loved him when we were young and would always talk about how great his powers were, which at the time I just saw as laser beams, and would shit on my favorite X-Man, Nightcrawler. Cyclops is just your friend's dad who won't let you play behind the shed.

NOW: Cyclops has become a man who demands respect, breaking away from Professor X's rule, and is doing what needs to be done to protect the few remaining mutants. I realize his "laser beams" aren't lasers but pure force that has to be held back, but when dude lets loose it's actually pretty scary. He's still an asshole but now I know it's for the better of the X-Men and not just because he's a prick.

JEAN GREY

THEN: I never understood why everyone wanted to bang her so badly, or why Professor X even had her around. I get she could move stuff with her mind or whatever but she didn't feel essential to the team, not her specific personality. A friend once said to me "There are two kinds of people, ones who bring something to the table and ones who don't" and I've gotta apply this to Marvel Girl here, why do you matter outside of causing problem?

NOW: She's dead and Cyclops is with Emma Frost, which makes a lot more sense. Emma is strong and over all more interesting, and I don't mean because of her revealing outfits. Jean caused nothing but trouble, she's like the damsel in distress but she was causing the distress! Good riddance, unless, you know, she's Cable's baby in some fucked up way.

GAMBIT

THEN: Gambit was so cool. He wore a trench coat, threw these playing cards and stood leaning against walls. Everything as a little boy you think is cool, except instead of sunglasses his eyes were just dark! That transcends coolness.

NOW: What were we thinking? He's everything lame about a character. All he needs now is a motorcycle or to team up with Starman or Constantine. He's just what kids in the 90's thought were cool. The worst thing looking back are his powers, the man has the ability to use kinetic energy to charge anything to cause it to blow up and he decides on playing cards? SERIOUSLY?

ROUGE

THEN: Her ability to steal powers from any other mutant made her one of my favorites. I was even willing to be her when we'd play X-Men, taking on the ridicule until I would suck up all their powers and win. I had a little boy crush on her too which just makes that weirder...

NOW: Rouge is the X-Man that all dudes my age continue to have crushes on, even though she hasn't been in the comics for a long while. Her powers still remain some of the most interesting, but most under-utilized. Marvel sometimes won't put the time needed into building a character, and so we're left with heroes like Rogue, who we'll see for two months until they run out of ideas. She, like most of the X-Men, just doesn't have enough life outside of the X-Men to make them interesting.

STORM

THEN: Storm's powers seemed stupid to me, but I think that may been been because weather is something we see every day, its just wasn't "sci fi" enough.

NOW: Storm is one of the, if not only, strong black characters in comics that doesn't rely on race to tell her stories. I know now that her powers are incredibly diverse, dude can't even fly but manages it by using winds! She's not as involved in the X-Men anymore but has moved onto the Fantastic Four books with her husband Black Panther, and is currently in the running for actually being the next Black Panther. She's one of the few characters from the X-Books to really evolve since I was a child.

BEAST

THEN: I have always been into monster characters so Beast always appealed to me. The obvious difference between him and other smart dudes just made him more popular with me and my friends, his blue fur and sudden bits of rage were frightening after being so used to his calm demeanor. They have never given Beast a proper toy, step it up Marvel!

NOW: Secondary mutations have made Beast into a blue, humanoid lion, very few pieces of him remain man. His character has managed to develop alongside the rest of the X-Men, taking a sidecar to action and acting almost exclusively as a behind the scenes character.

WOLVERINE

THEN: I hate Wolverine, from his stupid one liners to his cowboy hats. He was everyone's favorite and each and everytime we'd be on the playground, at least five kids were yelling "SNICKT" and slashing through everything. I always just wanted Magneto to rip him apart and get it over with.

NOW: I love Wolverine, from his great one liners to his flannel shirts. I buy into it completely, picking up every one-shot, excited to see which artist they've gotten for the character next. He's the new Conan, in a way, he's done so much his adventures are all legendary, and because of his powers and past, we have no idea how old he is or how many places he's actually been. Instead of sitting complacent on a character they didn't need to expand, they've done everything they can to make him relevant, it's why the X-Men are still interesting to people, they never settle down.

Peter Laird's Palblog

Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in a lot of ways defines my childhood, just not the "Eastman and Laird" part. Now as an adult, finding Peter Laird's blog Palblog is forcing me to look back at why I liked the Turtles, and what defined them to me. I read the Archie comics not the original series, watched the cartoons and movies, and bought all the dumb stuff, particularly the toys.


Going to a toy store and grabbing a figure you hadn't seen before meant more than that one single new toy, it meant ten new toys. Flipping over the packaging always meant new mutants and Shred-Heads to be discovered, sometimes from the comic series but sometimes something created just for the toy line. Even before seeing the toys in person, I would imagine them while I played and even have big build up scenarios leading up to their arrival, saving my allowance just waiting for Triceraton to terrorize my room.


Small details like the bugs crawling all over the figure "Scumbug" changed the way that I drew and the way I played. Growing older I wanted to see the more "adult" version of these characters, and began collecting the original TMNT series comics but actually found them to be dull. The universe portrayed in the Archie comics seemed full. There was an entire world of other monsters who weren't so monstrous, and not every story revolved around the Turtles. The world the figures lived in still seemed more interesting to me than the city the Eastman and Laird Turtles fought in.

Peter Laird's Palblog makes me think he also got more into the world of the Archie mutants more than what he actually started. The world of the Turtles grew and grew, so he had to populate it. Seeing his sketches for toys that were released adds almost a metaphysical feeling to the figures you owned, filling you with a non-ironic kind of nostalgia that sends you onto eBay willing to spend any amount for a Panda Kahn figure.


The little boy in me sees the figures that weren't produced and can only think of what I would've done if I had them as a child. It's almost unfair some of these will never see the light of day, drawn with notes on how they'd work and more often than not pictures of the accessories.


Laird is open and it seems like one day all of his sketch books will be documented on his site, from TMNT anatomy studies to pictures of Luke and Chewbacca fighting storm troopers. His honesty about his career is stunning in an industry where artists hide the fact they once illustrated Barbie picture books, talking about how much he was paid for newspaper illustrations and how much control he actually had over the Turtles.

The only thing I can compare Palblog to is finding an old sketch book from childhood and discovering all of your super hero drawings. The imagination of who you were when you were 7 is something that once lost can't be regained, but Laird's blog brings that feeling back. It puts me into my mother's back yard digging holes and sitting on the basement steps thinking of new animals to become mutants, it simply gives you glimpses of a world you lost.

Look Out For The Little Guy: Tumescence

Nate Doyle's mini comic Tumescence isn't quirky or cute the way most mini comics are about losing your virginity. There's no unnecessary heart break or terrible falling out between the characters, and the girls aren't shown super sexy. It's hard to call a story, but more a few short facts about Nate's early years of love, or more appropriately, early years of being horny and not understanding why.

Being nervous about sex and getting a girl pregnant is a serious fear when you're young, especially since the little bit of education you get comes from school or your parents. The same people who teach you about the "birds and the bees" also yell at you for reading books with nudity in them, and in Nate's case they are the people who make you draw clothes on the naked characters. With little to no actual knowledge of our bodies (or the consequences of using them) we all have our first pregnancy scares, even when the girl's on birth control and the dude didn't come inside her. Sex just makes everyone stupid and when you're young and uneducated, even playing just the tip makes you think in nine months you'll have twins or something.

Once we finally get the science of fucking down we have to find a place to do it, which often means fumbling in our parent's houses in the "privacy" of our rooms. At any moment our parents could call our names, knock on the door, or even make a noise and your erection is gone along with the mood or you'll have to pull the dreaded dong conceal, which means trying to put your boner straight up, held down by your belt. The worst is when your parents just walk in unannounced, and possibly see your girlfriend naked, or worse, what you are actually doing. There are two kinds of parents, the ones that right then and there have a talk with you and your girlfriend, or the ones who pin you down later in the kitchen or in the car. This is where the horror comes from for Nate, trapped in the passenger seat his Dad gives him the advice he never wanted "It could take a drop of a bucket full, it doesn't matter, any of that stuff could get her pregnant."

The Ol' Ball Game

So, Jim Lee is throwing out the first pitch at the Orioles' game tomorrow to kick off the Baltimore Comic Con. This is a really great idea. I'm not really a huge fan of Lee's work or anything, I mean he's cool but maybe too cool. It's idea of combining comics and baseball that's exciting. Comics and baseball have always sort occupied the same sort of space in my brain. This sort of vision of America where kids play backyard baseball and talk about super heroes along the way. They invoke sort of this quintessential feeling of America, of innocence, and childhood. When you are a kid you look up to sports players the same way you would a super hero. You memorize positions, powers, stats, teams, and super teams.

It's no coincidence that when Superman Returns showcases the Superman-saves-plane scene that he sets the plane down in a baseball stadium. It's a classic scene in comics, and by using baseball the movie shows us that they are playing with the classic myths of Superman and not trying to update him entirely. The roar of the crowd for Superman is the same feeling people have when they cheer their favorite player. The movie uses it sincerely and it gets at the heart of what makes Superman a great character.

There was also this cover on Sport Illustrated during the summer. It's a weird joke to make because it's making the assumption is that most of the readers know Bizzaro Superman. At the very least it's comfortable that they will safe in the connection between baseball players and super heroes having something in common in our minds.

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